For the past couple of weeks my mental health has been pretty OK. I’ve had my bad days of course, but in general I’ve been pretty stable; given that it’s been the festive holidays and my birthday probably count a lot towards this, but we’ll go with it anyhoo.
I find that the state of mind I’m in hugely determines what my priorities are. For example, I have extremely low body confidence, and therefore when I’m feeling blue, my priority is to eat as little as possible, make myself sick after eating, lose as much as possible as fast as I can and write a list of all the cosmetic surgeries I want. Now… if I’m feeling stable and generally ‘good’, I will still have these confidence issues, however my priorities are on a different level; instead, I look towards maybe toning up a little bit (healthily!), blogging and my creative arts, helping others, laughing and having fun and making the most out of what I have.
“I never know where I am or where I stand in my own mind”
This, for me, is quite a revelation (as silly as it sounds). I never realised, to this extent, how much I ‘ping-ponged’ around until my partner commented on it a couple of days ago. (I was telling him about how I think I’m ok with my body weight, then a week later I was moaning about wanting to lose another stone or two) As much as I’m sure it drives everyone around me mad, it isn’t easy to deal with myself either. I never know where I am or where I stand in my own mind, so it’s not surprising that this is another effector – or hurdle – to overcome in our mental health journey.
Although, something has clicked recently for me, (and no it’s not my aging creaky hips!), but the question around why do I care? Why does it matter if people look at me funny for wearing a huge Pom Pom scarf? Why do I care if people don’t like my dress sense? Why is it my problem if someone said I’m too big or they don’t understand why I have a hamster as a pet at my age? Why is it my problem if someone says I’m childish for being obsessed with animals and the colour pink?
Asking myself these questions, and more importantly, not being able to answer them, is the ‘something’ that clicked for me, and is also what makes me think what is truely important. Is it having an amazing physique and supermodel face? No, not really, at the minute it’s getting mentally where I need to be to survive this world. Is it having loads of ‘friends’ to like my pictures? No, I want to reach out and help fellow sufferers in their mental health journey as well as mine.
Ok, so what are priorities? Here are some of mine...
- Spending time with animals (they help calm me and I generally have so much love for them)
- Spending time with my family, my partner and his family
- Work hard to pay my bills, but keep stress at a stable level
- Make time for my creative hobbies
- Become happy within myself and my body
- Work hard on my mental health
- Grow my blog to reach as many people as I can in order to help everyone possible
I realise it takes a while, and I’m also aware that more than half the time I struggle to think this way; I still want that beautiful body and face, but, I haven’t got the pennies for cosmetic surgery and I’m not that keen on exercise honestly!! 😦 Whyyyyyyy do I have bad genes 😦
What we can do in the meantime, is think of our true priorities over those that come and go, and what is truely important to us. We are all unique and independent from each other, and are priorities and beliefs should be so too. Together, we will get there.
With Love, Luj x