Unfortunately, my story isn’t the pink, fluffy fairy tale that I would have liked it to be, but who’s story is?! So snuggle up, grab a coffee and remember, you don’t have to suffer alone.
I had started at college, and from the very first week I developed a fear, or embarrassment of eating in front of anyone, which saw me throwing my lunch away and going hungry the whole day. Alongside this, I was making myself vomit after eating my evening meal (chicken and salad) and working out around 3 times a day (before and after college, and before bed). – Now I can’t even run I’m so unfit!!
“You should get your thigh gap back”
This saw me through the better part of 2 years, until I ended my gym membership to cut back on costs. My diet changed drastically, I was fed up of eating nothing and my family eating all of this glorious food around me, and I binged, and binged and binged. I felt good, I was no longer hungry, and I wasn’t putting my body through hellish workouts multiple times a day. My size went from a size 6 (at 5’11) to around a 12. Which was when some comments were said to me about my weight, “you want to watch your weight”, “you have put on quite a bit”, “you should get your thigh gap back”…
To fast forward, those comments still haunt me to this day, and my face and body image are things that hugely contribute to my depression and mental health struggles.
Alongside my eating troubles, which still affect me to this day, I encountered a huge family break up, which saw me moving out of my family home and losing my relationship with my best friend, my mum. This, broke me.
“how I’m so worthless, stupid and how it would be better if I wasn’t around”
I was unable to navigate, was signed off of work, put on anti-depressants and was having suicidal thoughts daily. Thanks to a great friend at the time and my sister, I got through; however I was in that dark place for a long time, and it still returns now, 4 years later. Only recently, mid 2018 saw me going through another melt down due to my depression and low self-esteem, how I’m so worthless, ugly, fat, stupid and how it would be better if I wasn’t around… Don’t get me wrong, I still have very bad days, and mental health is something I have had to come to terms with, it’s part of me, but my partner, my rock, has helped me immensely through this, and still does. I love you, more than anything in the world.
I have chopped and trimmed my experience with mental health into a very short story here, and it certainly does not cover everything, but I hope that you will stay with me so we can get through this together.
Stay fluffy and sparkly,
With Love, Luj and Peanut, the Robo fluff x
P.S. Keep an eye out for my fun creative hobbies I do to keep my brain busy and away from thinking too much! (I believe keeping busy is the art of battling our mental health!)
DISCLAIMER – I am not a mental health professional, I am just sharing my story and tips in the hope that I can bring some sunshine and bunnies to all of your days.